Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Shopping with ‘The Bottom Feeders’

We troll the aisles of Aldi and Wal-mart. At Aldi we loaded up on 12 grain bread reduced to $1 from $1.79. Bought case of 12 Flavored Coffee Creamers @ .30 each reduced from $1.79 each. Origin 75% chocolate pieces @ .50 reduced from $2.79 ( after tasting at home mom regrets not scooping up all - if we were true born Fayette Countians we would have just ripped open a pack in the store for taste test). Caramelized cocoa bits added the finishing touch to the Sao Tome pieces. Strawberries were reduced from $3.00 to $1.25 per quart. And Angel Food Cake reduced to $1.00, ½ price. Then at checkout mom whipped out her letter from Aldi’s main office giving us a $2.78 credit (credit was because she complained about misleading salt level in the low-salt, “Fit N Active” chicken soup). On to Wal-Mart (blessed be that name) where she scored a 100% cotton flannel shirt reduced to $1.00 from $10.00 and a Campion plant reduced to $1.75 from $5.50 (who cares if it was partially brown and wilted - 2 flowers still boomed.

Why do we need to bottom feed? Because we see the handwriting on the wall. If you look at ‘The Wons’ new initiative below, pushed by Michelle, you will see of all the above would be outlawed except for the 12 Grain Bread (which mom hates).

What was the best bargain of the 2-store bottom-feeder shopping trip? Observing the majority of over-feeders ( and few non-feeders) putting their corpulent ( or underweight) goods on display packed into impossibly tight clothes. Such amusement and good laughs keep us young and healthy ( Michele Obama would be proud of us keeping fit just by using our eyes, jawing our jeers and chuckling without reducing our intake of food).

Last week, with little fanfare, among the ever deteriorating oil spill crisis, the White House quietly noted the issuance of an “Executive Order " - don’t need no stinkin Congress to make law no more.1. Establishing the National Prevention, Health Promotion, and Public Health Council", in which the president, citing the “authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America” is now actively engaging in "lifestyle behavior modification" for American citizens that do not exhibit "healthy behavior." At least initially, the 8 main verticals of focus will include: smoking cessation; proper nutrition; appropriate exercise; mental health; behavioral health; sedentary behavior; substance-use disorder; and domestic violence screenings. Eventually we fully anticipate that the program will also target such wholesome activities as screening for precious metal holdings, monthly minimum usage of available revolving credit (and a minimum threshold thereto) and the susceptibility of an individual to stay current on one's mortgage. Additionally, the president will establish yet another Advisory Group, composed of "experts" picked from the public health field, and one which tracks the successful uptake by the US population of the precepts for a better functioning society that the president deems important. Cosmo culture has just been adopted by the White House, where Big Brother is now in the business of counting calories, and soon, your bars of gold.”