Sunday, August 12, 2007


Iranian squirrels arrested ! Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, has ordered the arrest of squirrels charging them with spying for Western nations. I immediately thought that Iran had arrested some of our leading liberal politicians who I always thought were a little squirrelly with their nutcake ideas. But no, these are 17 real, furry, little critters. Could Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have been watching too many reruns of the Rocky and Bullwinkle TV show? I have fond memories of the spies Boris and Natasha always being thwarted by Rocket J. Squirrel but I never mistook them for real life.

If Ahmadinejad is so nutty that the squirrels in Iran are in revolt and conspiring against him, I have to ask why so many of our Democrat presidential candidates think the United States should be thinking of him as a peace partner in negotiating an end to violence in the neighboring county of Iraq. As these candidates traverse the U.S. and engage in debates looking for support, I don’t see them stopping at the local insane asylum to solicit views and voters. I have to ask why then they think the U.S. should seek solutions to war and peace from someone like Ahmadinejad. Barark Obama stated unequivocally that he would consult with both Ahmadinejad and fellow dictator and thug Assad from Syria. Hillary Clinton said she would consult with them if they at first showed some civilized behavior. The rest of the candidates - who cares. Maybe consulting nutcakes and thugs is not the best way to achieve peace, but it furthers the Democratic plan for surrender in the Middle East.

The comparison of our presidential candidates to Rocky and Bullwinkle and their pursuit of the fiendish spies Boris and Natasha is rather apt. Rocky and Bullwinkle were, to put it kindly, clueless but managed to muddle through on pure intentions and blind luck to thwart the spies by the end of every episode. Our major Democrat candidates may also be clueless, but can we depend on their pure liberal beliefs and blind luck to help muddle through the real world of Islamo-Fascist killers? Naively they think that Ahmadinejad is just like us and only needs a little liberal fuzzythink to see the error of his policies of jihad against the West.

I have a plan that will solve the problem of Iran stirring up violence in the region. Many reports of unrest within Iran indicate that the Iranian population is throughly dissatisfied with Ahmadinejad and the mad mullahs that control the country. Reports of riots and shortages of basic necessities of life keep showing up in intelligence reports but the Iranian people are cowed by the totalitarian regime and its draconian tactics. Public hangings are a daily occurrence as a reminder to the Iranian people that the mullahs are in control. Therefore a revolution emanating from the people is unlikely.
My plan, simple, devious, cheap and effective, is to take advantage of the rebellious squirrels. We airdrop small arms and nuts, no I don’t mean liberals, to the squirrels in sufficient quantity to encourage them into rebellion and to inspire the other animals in Iran. Today the squirrels, tomorrow the sheep and then the camels. For literally peanuts we can begin to solve the problems of the Middle East. We find a charismatic squirrel and name him General Rocky and then once things are rolling along we recruit a camel to be Col. Bullwinkle. From a distance most people cannot tell the difference between a camel and a moose. The sheep will follow along anyway. This plan will work ! To be successful every plan needs a soundbite slogan my slogan "peace through peanuts" beats Democrats’ slogan ‘strategic withdrawal’ or ‘re-deployment now’. My plan is as sensible as any plan that is emanating from the Democrat frontrunners and would certainly cost less. Check out the book Animal Farm by George Orwell which inspired my plan.

My fantasy plans expands on the basic plan by not only including in the airdrop small arms for the squirrels and nuts to incite them, but also to drop in a battalion of liberal politicians, professors, celebrities and TV news people. In a stroke we would arm the insurgents and cause chaos in Iran and paralyze them by immersing them in defeatism, psychobabble and mis-information!

But right now I am most concerned for the welfare of the 17 squirrels. Under Shariah Law will Ahmadinejad have them beheaded, hung or stoned? Where is the ACLU and PETA when you need them? When will the animal rights groups form a Squirrel Liberation Front?